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A.R.E. Headquaters

November 27, 2013


Back at the A.R.E. headquarters, Wayne was busy organizing the family and public recruitment day. Splashing out onto the footpath, the A.R.E members joined in rounds of darts, Buckfast and the tantalizing appetizers of spray cheese and celery served by Wayne’s wife Lucinda.
Wayne was rather pleased in having converted one salvaged soul to the A.R.E. clan, assisted in part by the free merch, guns and Buckfast.  “Whatever it takes, I’ll do it.  People need to realize the atrocities caused by are0!las and sometimes they just need a bottle of Buckfast to be convinced.”  The new convert Billy was immediately on the lookout and quickly spotted EVIL exiting the shower in the apartment above.  Wayne’s daughter, Queen Sheeba, just couldn’t help but drift out and dream of a world free of the evil A.
In for a business deal, Phillipee from the Crab Nebulaonian army landed and was making his way to chat with Wayne.  “Me and Wayne, we share similar views and need to talk business.  A partnership between the A.R.E. and EvilLand could be very fruitful.  Yes, fruitful indeed.”
TYRAdactyl sores above, taking in and seeing all.



Special KKK

November 12, 2013

special KKK factory

At the Special KKK factory, the line was busy pumping out DELICIOUS Special KKK cereal treats –  all containing no more than 9 calories per serving! The secret, you ask? A nutritious combination of saw dust, glue, and red dye no. 9.

Factory forewoman, Kasandra Kiss Kiss, was busy overseeing both production and training of the Special KKK Red Dress Brigade. The importance of maintaining a curvy slim waist was paramount at the Special KKK factory and the Red Dress Brigade was working on their daily 100 km high heeled walk for intense calorie burning. Kasandra Kiss Kiss tracked the army’s progress during their 1 million step challenge via her trusty SPECIAL KKK pedometer- free in every box of Special KKK. And afterward, Kasandra finished the training session with a rewarding waist measurement for self esteem building.

The Red Dress Brigade was riled and ready to give their all and fight for the important cause of low calorie gender specific foods! Blink blink 🙂

Hi, I’m Wayne

June 30, 2012

After hangin’ out at the Clinic and getting their Buckfast fix, Randy and Rodrigo decided to go for a stroll down the road.

Randy: “WTF, these posters are EVERYWHERE!”

Randy looked up from array of posters littered on the ground, to see some nut job with a red bow tie.

“Hi I’m Wayne”, said the red bow tied bastard. “Can I have a minute of your time to speak to you about the atrocitites caused by areolas? Did you know that they are evil? That they are eyes into the soul of the devil? We must fight them. Join us.”Randy: “What’s in it for me, Wayne?”Wayne: “A six pack of Buckfast and guns.”

Randy: “Sweet, I’m in! Just one thing, Rodrigo and I don’t wear shirts….so what about our areolas? Are they evil too?”

Wayne: “No, no….male HAIRYolas are fine. It’s just the woman folk that posses the evil, eye-shaped areolas. Devil eyes they are. Now, go talk to Lucinda at the booth, she’ll sign you up and sort you out.”




March 20, 2012

Randy left Rodrigo to ogle over Frony and turned back to the Buckfast Clinic, when he noticed that the store was littered with posters.

After picking up a poster from the ground he studied it and felt both confused and enraged at the same time. “Whatever this is, it looks SERIOUS.”

He then noticed that some MORON had placed the food for the stray cats all over Nadia Narcolepto! “It’s supposed to go on the mat you idiots!” Randy stomped back into the clinic. The kitty cats remained completely unfazed. Munch, munch, munch…


March 13, 2012

Long after going AWOL for the Buckfast bottle, Randy eventually found solace in his old Buckfast Clinic stomping grounds. After throwin’ back a few he was finally able to relax and forget all about the Agent Orange Division and flying DOUCHEotovs. While chillin’ on the footpath, he came across Tony Not-So-Little (TNSL), Francis and their baby Frony. And boy, was Rodrigo ever in love with the baby! Stare much?!

TNSL went ON and ON about Frony. About the delivery, how much he weighed, the colour of his poop….BLAH…BLAH…BLAH…Seriously, Randy couldn’t give a shit! To add to this annoyance, Francis strolled up littered with purchases from the Christmas Shop.

Francis: “OMG you guys, you better get in there! There’s a GREAT sale on Christmas ornaments on right now. Christmas is only 286 days away, you know!?!!”

Randy felt the onset of another RANDY-page…and thought to himself: “These dickweeds are lucky they have a child or I’d crack this bottle over both of their heads”.
Instead, he settled for saying aloud “Your baby smells and my bottle is dry. Adios amigos!” And he turned to go back into the clinic. Oh shit look, Ms. Nadia Narcolepto has fallen asleep in front of the door, AGAIN!!

No Buckfast?!!

February 19, 2011

Being on the receiving end of Lucy’s attitude problem in combination with having finished his bottle of Buckfast, put Randy in such a mood that he decided to leave the battle to get his drink on. Rodrigo tagged along as they searched for the only off license in town. The initial happiness of having found the lonely off licence quickly ended in Randy having to turn his anger knob up a few more notches. NO BUCKFAST?!! Can you say R-R-R-RANDYPAGE?!!


DOUCHEotov Incoming!!!

February 14, 2011

And thus…the battle commences. Phillipee signals the Agent Orange Division to exit the Crab Nebulonian spacecraft with the ritualistic Nebulonian song and dance.  Phillipee was NEARLY BLOWN AWAY by the sudden guest appearance of his bongo and maraca idol, Gloria Estefan!  Trying to keep his cool, he intermittently glanced over hoping that Gloria would be impressed with his signature “hit the bongo with the maraca” move. However, Gloria found this AND the STUPID cowbell completely annoying!  “Who is playing that?!”, she thought.   Oh wait a minute…it’s Tootie.  Always trying a little TOO hard to fit in, Tootie thought she would finally make friends by striking her cowbell with force.  Guess what Tootie??  WRONG!!

Carefully climbing sideways down the spacecraft ladder, The Agent Orange Division slowly makes their way onto the battlefield equipped the GRENeggs,  DOUCHEotov cocktails and GRENegg/DOUCHE launchers that were assembled on their high tech factory assembly lines.  However, sHEna (from team NOTevilLAND) was very successful at intercepting the Crab Nebulonian landing as sHE focused on blasting them with streaming amounts of creatine and whey powder dust (via her trusty snow blower) to be followed shortly by LOL cake dust.  “This will put them all in stitches”, she thought.  Meanwhile, with the help of the oompa loompas and uni-legged-roller-Roxy , members of the Fluffy Brigade were being shot into the air with the CATapults and were hugely successful at intercepting the GRENeggs midair!  Jeanie-loo-loo, on the other hand, was exquisitely adept at catching the flying DOUCHotovs single handed! TYRAdacyl ,always the astute student in trigonometry, skilfully deflected her double rainbow eye lasers off of Stevie Guttiebergio’s suit, hitting FIL-LOPPee in the back! Score!!

Up on the hill, Sally Sue and Debbie All-Day were not only staying limber but were also accurately deflecting the GRENeggs off of their tight gluteus maximi and onto the collection pillow and into Michelle Bring-me-homey’s solidly held back arch!!  Wow! Lucy Lawless, was happily overseeing the entire battle until she noticed Randy swilling a bottle of Buckfast behind her. “ Damn it Randy!  You know the rules!! “  Randy pretended to not hear Lucy and continued on with his drinking while Rodrigo sneakily tugged his hand when he wanted a sip.  Nadia Narcopleto was just SOOOO sleepy and decided to roll up on the grass knoll for a little snooze.  And the battle, yes, it continued….